Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Australian Trends

Photo Richard Powers - Tourism Australia
I saw something on the internet the other day that said something like, "These clothing items that happen to be on sale in our store just happen to be the coolest trend in Australia right now."  That seemed a bit suspicious to me.  It's not like it's impossible to find out what's going on in Australia, but it's also a bit removed from here, so most people are just going to think, "Oy, I'll just put another shrimp on the barbie and buy my shelia that thing on sale."

Not liking to be duped by the internet, or accidentally buy my shelia the wrong stuff, I decided to find out just what is currently "hot or not" in Australia.  So here is the real deal.  You can trust me.

Chain mail bikinis - Yup, Mad Max meets Game of Thrones meets the hot Australian beaches.  They are somewhat see-through, rust badly after one wearing and are quite uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean they aren't high-fashion on the Koala Beaches.

Vegemite beer - Seems like a bad idea, but then again Vegemite seems like a bad idea by itself, so why not make beer out of it.  Foster's puts it in a 55 oz can and those Aussies are drinking it as fast as they can get kangaroos to open them.

Koala Bear steaks - These are only being served in traveling "underground" restaurants since it is illegal to eat koala bears.  Keep in mind that it is legal to kill anything in Australia that you can catch, but you aren't allowed to make some things into steaks and eat them.  That's just why they allegedly taste so darn good.  

Australian rules chess - You think that when your 7-year old sister threw the game board it was bad.  You have no idea.  Wait until you see a raging 245 lb man in a tank top pile onto you and your chess board.  I don't know how the rules work, but it is an awesome sight to see.  Just YouTube it if you don't believe me.

Aborigine unisex haircuts. By Flobie.  'Nough said.

Mad Max Contests - True gladiator style death matches.  You think mixed martial arts or ultimate fighting are tough, huh, do ya', do ya'?  They're not.  Wear steel underwear, feathers in your hair and kill each other with muskets and sticks.  That's tough.  And that's what Australians are doing right now.

Shark Punching.  For the sissies who don't want to participate in their local weekend Mad Max contests.  Those wussies.

Stovepipe hats.  Lincoln isn't just cool in America anymore.

Swim suits outside of their clothing.  This is something that isn't hot "in" Australia, but is hot with ex-patriat Australians because Aussies love to be at the beach so much they want to be easily identified as beach-loving Australians.  I don't know how much sense this makes, but then again, how do you explain all the other stuff that crazy Australians are doing.  This makes exactly as much sense as those things.

Foster's Lime-Lager - Just kidding.  Who the hell would drink a lime beer?

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